Seriously...this is what its come to

An actual ESPN headline: Packers didn't give Favre team-issued cell phone.

I am sick and tired of Favre. Nobody outside of Green Bay cares anymore. Either come back or don't, stop dancing around and make a fucking decision. In addition, I still hate ESPN because of stuff exactly like this.

The Dark Knight

The summer movie season is clearly in full swing now with the release last week of Dark Knight and its record breaking opening weekend of a shade over $155 million. I'm sure most of you reading this blog have already seen it so I don't want to do a review, simply to share a few thoughts.

1) This is the best comic-book movie I have ever seen. Better than Spiderman 2, which until now I believed was the best and until now held the record for the biggest opening weekend in movie history [$151 million]. The critics who have not liked this movie, meaning they gave it a B, which shows you just how well its been received have lamented the darkness of the film. It's too serious, it's too morality-based in it's message; for all intensive purposes their problem is the film is too real. But this is exactly the reason why I enjoyed it so much. It is what is happening with heroic characters in every movie series and it makes it much more compelling. When Pierce Brosnan was Bond there was no way he was getting hurt in any fashion and everyone knew it. Now with Daniel Craig, Bond is more human and the movie has more at stake. Spiderman is the same way and with the Christopher Nolan Batman series the trend is evident. These are better movies for that reality and as an audience member I appreciate it.

2) The other reason why this movie is so great is simple: Heath Ledger. He is unbelievable. I will be the first to admit that until now I had not seen much of him. I had seen that atrocious movie he did where he was a knight in a jousting tournament. Mainly I knew him as Jake Gyllenhaal's lover in Brokeback Mountain. I have not seen that movie, but because Ledger was so incredible in Batman I find myself wanting to see it. Having never really seen his work I was shocked and saddened for his family, etc. when he died, but it wasn't as if I was really depressed or anything, not like if Daniel Day-Lewis or Viggo Mortensen were to suddenly die. But after the movie it finally connected for me that as good as he was, we will never get to see him in another movie [discounting the 1/2 role in the upcoming the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, for the second half Ledger's role is filled by Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Christian Bale].
His performance in Batman is absolutely electric. He steals every scene and his voice and mannerisms are extremely well-crafted. It has been said that he was disturbed by the role and it caused his death, but he was clearly able to tap into the psyche of the Joker and create a role that should garner him a nomination for best supporting actor.

3) Aaron Eckhart was, as in every movie he's in, very good. Harvey Dent is an interesting character, but I was surprised he was killed off in this movie. He seemed like a logical villain for the next Batman. I suppose Nolan wanted to take it in a different direction and make Batman the outcast, as evidenced by the end of the film. Eckhart is perfect as the cocky Dent and I always appreciate his work.

I give this movie an A-, as I didn't really like Maggie Gyllenhaal and I think it runs too long. Otherwise, brilliant.

Dawkins Interview

A gift from us here at L'enfant Terrible. The world's best-known atheist, renowned ethologist, rationalist, and humanist, Oxford Professor for the Public Understanding of Science, author of numerous bestsellers including The God Delusion, the man known as "Darwin's Rottweiler", our hero...Richard Dawkins. These are parts 1&2/7 of the interview, more to come as the days go by.

Why I Do Not Like Scoop Jackson

Scoop is at again folks! This time he is writing about one of the oldest, most beloved games in the world. No not tiddlywinks...golf. Scoop has decided to write an entire article about why he does not play golf and he tries to justify his reasoning with a few examples and a lot of bullshit. He claims to have seen "dudes" lose $100,000/year jobs because of golf. He claims to know a man who lost his wife because "golf balls don't talk back". He claims to have seen a man eat a baby and defecate on a homeless man because his handicap slipped [okay not really, but you get the point]. He equates golf with addictive drugs and can't understand why people can quit crack but not golf. He refuses to play golf because he's scared he will become addicted.
This article may be dumber than the NYC point guards article from the previous post. Maybe your friends that lost $100,000/year jobs because they couldn't get their asses off the golf course are just fucking idiots. Maybe the man who left his wife just hated her and was sleeping with someone else and planning to leave her anyway. The very last thing you should blame over people is a GAME. It's called self-control Scoop, everyone has it. If we didn't we would be walking around having sex with random strangers in public, killing everyone we disagree with, and eating donuts and ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Don't blame golf as the evil here, that's simply ridiculous.

Here's the link:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=jackson/080716

Brooklyn Air Guitar Champion Toe Update

As you will remember from the previous post the Brooklyn Champion, Bettie. B Good, suffered a compound fracture of her toe during the championship round. Completely unphased by the injury she continued to perform and won. Now it seems she has suffered greatly for her "art"...because they had to amputate her toe.

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/music/2008/07/17/2008-07-17_air_guitar_hero_loses_toe__literally.html

As Bill Walton would say, Unbelieeeeeevable.

Grown Men [and Women] fake guitar playing and Scoop Jackson

I was in NYC for a few days last week and while taking in sites such as Central Park, MoMa, and Times Square I attended the Brooklyn Air Guitar Championships. Air Guitar, what could be more awesome than a contest revolving around simulating playing a guitar with nothing but your hands while also displaying all the requisite facial expressions, gestures, body movements, etc. High comedy indeed.
So the format was each person would get to "play" for 60 seconds and there were 3 judges scoring on a 4.0-6.0 Olympic scale. I wasn't sure they were judging like that because we are in an Olympic year or because that's just how they generally do it; alas I have revealed myself as inept when it comes to judging an AIR GUITAR CHAMPIONSHIP.
Everything you would expect ensued from there, with numerous people doing lame windmills and power stances that everyone who has ever watched a rock band perform can relate to. However, there were some interesting moments, such as in the finals when a contestant jumped off a staircase in nothing but his underwear from about 20 feet high. The best thing however was when the winner, Betty B. Good, dressed in a lion print skin-tight pant suite jumped onto a glass awning type of thing which was literally 30 ft in the air and connected to the 2nd floor of the bar. Keep in mind she was highly intoxicated and the glass stage was only about 10 x 5 ft. I would not have been shocked for the world to have read in the newspaper the next day: "Air Guitarist falls to death in bar mid-windmill". She escaped safety however and only during the judging was it revealed that she has a compound fracture of her 3rd of 4th toe on the left foot...seriously. She was completely unphased and I think may have even licked blood from her finger from the wound; needless to say she did not accept her championship trophy because she was being rushed to the hospital via ambulance.
Aside from that horrible incident which makes me cringe every time I think about it there were some extremely funny moments made even funnier by the fact that beer was present. One of the first contestants, a rather portly fellow dressed only in a pair of shorts and a tie [with no shirt on] attempted a stage dive that can only be described as a Moses-Level Event. When the guy dove, there were a good number of people in his targeted landing zone. However, as soon as he took off the people parted so quickly you would have thought actual Egyptians were chasing them and attempting to re-enslave them. Needless to say the guy hit the ground so hard I'm pretty sure the floor shook [he landed about 2 ft. from where we were standing]. The Highest of High comedy: the utterly, devastatingly inept, unsupported stage dive.
Overall a worthwhile experience, you should check one out. Videos available at usairguitar.com

Next order of business, as brought to my attention by cousin David Stern, is an article so bad we are starting a new segment here at L'enfant Terrible. And now get ready for the first installment of:

Articles So Bad They Make Me Fear For The Future Of Our Species [not in a biological sense but in a morally or intelligence-related way]!

This first article is brought to you by ESPN page 2 resident Robert "Scoop" Jackson. Scoop takes a very interesting point of view in his latest article, claiming that NYC street basketball point guards do not need the NBA because they would rather have the respect of the people of NYC. Here is a microcosm of the article:

"What's the point in being Jamaal Tinsley, a quasi-respected midlevel starting point guard for the Pacers, but having no one north of 110th Street honor you as dude in the summer, when you could be Kenny Satterfield or Andre Barrett, who dropped 68 and 66 points, respectively, in a Hoops in the Sun tournament game in the Bronx two weeks ago, and get love so unconditional that people riding the 6 uptown with you start rating you as the basketball equivalent of Zeus?" Pictured: Andre Barrett at Rucker Park in Harlem [6/23/08 courtesy of SI.com]

First of all, what does "basketball equivalent of Zeus" mean? I'm always a bit confused by these equivalence analogies. Does Andre Barrett's jumper cause thunderbolts with jagged edges to fly from the clouds? Does his dribbling ability cause him to trick various maidens into sleeping with him while he assumes various disguises [this could actually be a reality, if it is hats off to Scoop for uncovering this story]? And why Zeus? Do NYC people have a special affinity for a deity not worshiped for over 500 years [I'm counting Zeus's Roman from as Jupiter here too, for all you classicists out there]?

I digress, the answer to the question "What is the point of being Jamaal Tinsley?" would seem to be this--his 2007-08 salary was $6.3 million, he plays professional basketball for a living, gets tons of free equipment and clothing, never has to work a day in his life, and can support his entire family for the rest of his life. According to Scoop that's nice and all, but it's simply nothing compared to receiving compliments on the subway. I mean, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This guy writes for a national publication? Let's put this in perspective: would you rather be a professional baseball player or a great Rec-League 16in softball player who gets a lot of compliments? Would you rather be an astronaut or a highly respected planetarium-goer? Would you rather be a chef or the best busboy in the restaurant? Respect is nice, but streetballers do not play basketball for a living. They may make some $ if they go on the AND1 tour or something, but very few do and it definitely isn't $6.3 million per year. Do you know what Kenny Satterfield probably respects? That Jamaal Tinsley lives in a mansion in Indianapolis and never has to worry about his finances or his family or anything other than playing basketball. I don't believe for 1 nanosecond that if you offered him, or Dwight Hardy, or Kemba Walker, or any other NYC pg $6.3 million to play a year in the NBA they would turn that down because they like the respect they are payed north of 110th street in the summertime.

Let's talk about other things in the article that make no sense.

"Left standing from this basketball exodus are the likes of Corey "Homicide" Williams, the oxymoron: a point guard so good he probably will never see an NBA check."

Will someone please explain this to me? I legitimately do not understand what this sentence means. He's so good the players in the NBA do not deserve to compete against him? He's so good he doesn't want to make millions of dollars embarrassing NBA players with his superior talent? Oh wait, I get it!! He's soooo good, only compliments on the subways of NYC can ever possibly validate him to the rest of world! It all makes perfect sense now! Quick, go tell Chauncey Billups, Deron Williams, Derrick Rose, CP3, and every other pg in the NBA that they should quit their jobs immediately, move to Harlem and only play at Rucker Park because otherwise the world will never respect them and they will only be doing the game of basketball an injustice by misusing their prodigious talents to support themselves and their families! Scoop Jackson is a genius ladies and gentlemen.

I actually hope "Homicide" does make the NBA, just imagine: And now, your starting pg for the New York Knickerbockerrrrrrrrs.....HOMICIIIIIIDE WILLLLIAAAAAMS! He and ex-gun runner Zach Randolph would become fast friends.

Alright, I think I've embarrassed Bob "Scoop" Jackson enough. Have a good one folks.

Hitch

Fun Fact of the Day

Humans share over 98% of their DNA with chimpanzees.

Once In a Lifetime

Almost one year to the day and we're back. The Wimbledon final of yesterday has prompted me to return to share my thoughts on what many are calling the greatest tennis match to have ever been contested. This was certainly the greatest match I have ever personally watched and I cannot help feeling that it may be the greatest match I will ever see.
For those of you who do not follow tennis let me set the stage: Roger Federer, the greatest tennis player of our generation was going for his 6th consecutive Wimbledon title, something that had never been done. He had a 40 match win streak at Wimbledon and a 65 match win streak on grass. Federer's 4 year reign in tennis was being questioned by all as he has not won a major and has only a few minor titles to his name this year. Rafa Nadal, the man who has been number 2 for a record 155 consecutive weeks was gunning for his 1st Wimbledon title. The 4 time defending French Open champion, who lost to Federer in a classic at Wimbledon in the final last year was looking to continue his quest for #1 with a victory 2 weeks after his thrashing of Fed at Roland-Garros. Nadal was attempting to become the first man to win the French-Wimbledon double in 28 years.
So all of this history even before the match started. Many felt it would be a watershed moment in men's tennis if Nadal were to capture the title, and would signal a changing of the guard even though Fed would still retain his #1 ranking. The match itself would run 4 hrs 48 minutes long with 3 rain delays. The telecast was over 7 1/2 hours long. Simply put, it was the most tense, hotly contested sporting event I have ever witnessed [Carley can verify this, as in the 4th set tie-break I think my body was shutting down as blood rushed to support my vital organs, turning my hands and feet into ice blocks]. The level of play was simply absurd with a combined 31 aces to 5 double faults and 79 unforced errors in 413 points.
But the statistics can never convey the way these two men fought throughout the entire match. The perfect contrast of styles; Federer the Ali of tennis, dancing and seemingly gliding over the court, the flowing forehand and elegant one-handed backhand. Rafa the Joe Frazier, the muscled bruiser who ruthlessly pounds the ball every swing, every point, every game, every set-the guy just does not let up ever. Not only is he the most physical player in tennis, he is probably the best mover in the game-making Fed hit shots when he thought the point was over numerous times and hitting an absolutely ridiculous forehand winner from 6 ft behind the baseline off his back foot as Fed rushed the net at 7-7 in the 4th set tie-break. That tie-break will go down in history as one of the best, maybe #2 behind McEnroe-Borg in the 1980 Wimbledon final which also took place in the 4th set [Johnny Mac won 16-18!].
Over the first two sets I kept thinking to myself "Fed is playing well, if he can just get a break he can pick up a set here" and I guess that will be remembered as why Fed lost this final. As in the 2005 French Open final against Rafa, when he was 1-17 in break point opportunities, he was 1-13 yesterday. He broke Rafa 1 time during the entire match. Fed's inability to cash in when it mattered on Nadal's serve cost him the first 2 sets, and eventually the match.
I have loved Fed since 2004 when I saw him tear apart Lleyton Hewitt in the final of the US Open. Having watched him and studied him for so long I know that his game has perhaps fallen a level this year. Whether that is due to lingering effects from mono early in the season we will never know, but I don't think so as he reached both the final of the French and Wimbledon and nearly won the latter. It is more than clear that Nadal is simply improving at a phenomenal rate, quick enough to challenge Fed for #1 this year. Nadal's improved serve, the best 2-handed backhand in the game, the most vicious top-spin forehand and his quickness and unquestionable desire are all coming together right now and he looks poised to win the French and Wimbledon for at least another 5-6 years. Don't get me wrong, I think only a fool would think Fed was done at Wimbledon and I believe this loss might spark something in him to regain the title he values the most in all of tennis. I also believe he has to be the favorite for the US Open in September, as Nadal's game suffers most on hard courts because of his spin [the ball does not bite as much as on grass or clay] and the pounding his body takes. Fed is still #1 and with the hard court season now here I believe Nadal will not overtake him this year.
What I'm most interested in seeing is how Fed will respond to the first real challenge to his throne in 4+ years. We know how much the history of the game means to him and he desperately wants to surpass Pete's 14 majors, but we now know it will not happen until sometime around now next year, if not until the 2009 Open. Reading the transcript of Fed's post-match interview, one really gets the sense of how disappointed he is, but also of the anger-streak that he so rarely shows on the court. "When asked whether it was a consolation that it was a great player like Nadal who had put an end to his 65-match winning streak, Federer’s humour became even darker. "No. Zero consolation. I didn’t learn anything new from today – certainly not about how to play him on grass. This really hurts… Losing Paris for me was nothing, losing here is a disaster." No more, no less.", ""Write what you want," he glowered after a sigh, a pause and a shrug. "I’m going to try to win at the Olympics and the US Open and have a good end to the season. That’s it." Fed has been the darling of tennis for 4 years and now it will immensely entertaining to watch him try to regain his seemingly lost grip on the tennis world. I know I wouldn't want to play a pissed off Fed and I definitely believe he will win the US Open. He still has the game's greatest forehand, his serve is better than ever, and his variety is still unmatched in today's game. He will be back and he will win more majors. For now though, it seems he will be answering some tough questions.